Archive for the ‘Because life’s funny’ Category

iPhone coupling

August 6, 2011

Curious observation: there exists a breed of hybrid creature indigenous to MRT trains known as the iPhone couple. Contrary to what the name suggests, it is not, as one might presume, a pair of iPhones attached to each other by means of some sort of adhesive, waylaid carelessly on the train. Rather, the term refers to a pairing of man and woman (rarely, boy and girl) ostensibly in a romantic relationship. Judging by their standards of dressing (read: bermudas-and-flip-flops-everyhwere-I-go-because-I-just-don’t-give-a-damn-anymore), they appear to be almost middle-aged and presumably well advanced in their relationship, long past the initial whirlwind of attraction and infatuation. I.e., failed yuppies of a sort.

In the uncommon but not unheard of circumstance of the couple being unseated, they will attempt to stand facing each other in order to maximise eye contact with their respective iPhones and keep up the sham of appearing to try and pay attention to his/her partner. It simply does not work – no observer is ever fooled into believing that either of the couple has anything to say that would be more captivating than getting to that next level on Bejeweled.

It is much more common to observe the iPhone couple seated, either partially or completely.  In the event whereby only one seat is available, the male member of the couple will chivalrously offer his seat to the female member, and then proceed to stand protectively in front of her. Presumably, this is as much to offer the female an opportunity to rest her legs as to facilitate his peeking at her screen to see if she caught up with him on Plants vs Zombies yet.

The male member of the iPhone couple is possessed of remarkable situational awareness and multitasking ability. Not only is he able to stand protectively over his partner, manage his resources in whatever tower defence game he is playing at the moment, and listen to music at the same time, he can also spot vacated seats up to two seats distant from where his partner is seated, and proceed to immediately plonk his ass down on it before some undeserving usurper, like a primary school student or a lady tottering on four-inch-heels, steals it away.

Once both members of the iPhone couple are comfortably ensconced within their seats, multitasking capabilities are disabled. Both will stare intently at their iPhone’s 3.5-inch display, focusing on whatever the latest hot game is, to the exclusion of all other outside stimuli. And if the game ceases to be of interest, there is always fiddling around with music playlists, the app store, facebook, twitter, foursquare, and, if nothing else, rearranging icons on the menu to do. For the iPhone couple, there are endless possibilities of self-distraction available to delay having to, horror of horrors, talk to each other.

The internet is really really great

February 25, 2011

 

Ahahaha wtf

Picture Unrelated

February 9, 2010

Question one: why is almost everyone so unexcited about Take5?

Actually, that is the only question.

What I don’t get is the generally cool response to not having school and going to the beach instead. Sun/Sand/Surf cliches aside, Beach Ultimate, Beach games, Beach Food, Beach whatever-the-heck-else-you-want? Instead of school? The only reason I figure people can be such downers is that they rather just stay at home and do nothing. And do do that sometimes on schooldays. But, hey, not one to judge here.

Unrelatedly, who wants to play beach ultimate on Friday?

Also, pic unrelated:

Heavy Thoughts

December 31, 2009

Almost as old as the Internet, but still worth a read. And in true Web fashion, so are the comments

Thinking

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone —”to relax,” I told myself — but I knew it wasn’t true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don’t mix, but I couldn’t stop myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, “What is it exactly we are doing here?”

Things weren’t going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother’s.

I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, “Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don’t stop thinking on the job, you’ll have to find another job.” This gave me a lot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss. “Honey,” I confessed … “I’ve been thinking…”

“I know you’ve been thinking,” she said, “and I want a divorce!” “But Honey, surely it’s not that serious.”

“It is serious,” she said, lower lip aquiver. “You think as much as college professors, and college professors don’t make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won’t have any money!”

“That’s a faulty syllogism,” I said impatiently, and she began to cry. I’d had enough. “I’m going to the library,” I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with an AM station on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors … they didn’t open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.

As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. “Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?” it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker’s Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was “Porky’s.” Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.

Life just seemed … easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. —

Never ceases to amaze anyone

October 27, 2009

FML, MLIA, MMT, and now, WTF?

Today, one Elizabeth Tan looked at me and said “KNNCCB”. Then she started giggling. WTF?

Bad People

August 13, 2009

RRP,

We will be in the Hodge Lodge on Monday.

If you don’t hand or email your essay by then, you are a bad person.

Regards,

Mr. Etkin

I Find This Very Amusing.

Darren, RIP

August 10, 2009

Let this be a lesson to all you children. Dying by stroke is waaaaaay cooler than you think.

Priceless

April 12, 2009

Hey jingxian

you know yesterday night i didn’t sleep

i did proposal until 8am this morning

then i slept till 2pm

then later at 4+ slept again

then now’s the interesting and uncanny part

I dreamt of running from zombies with you in a hospital

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

then there were lightsabers and whatnot

roffffle. i’m honoured

and an old man who was giving us hints on where to escape then suddenly just turned on us and i killed him with a lightsaber

wtffffffffffffffffff. i’m srsly laughing

then after that more zombies came then you went to hide in a disabled toilet

then i went to hide in a toilet cubicle then suddenly i woke up neck pain cos i slept on the sofa

The wonders of instant messaging indeed.

With apologies to the Bard

February 20, 2009

Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I’ll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?

– Spike Milligan

It’s better than continued lament of my self-consciously perceived continuing tortured existence

January 25, 2009

At cold storage, at the delicatessen section

Lady: (points at chicken) what flavour is this?
Staff: Chicken.