Normal service will resume shortly; we apologise for any incompetence

It’s a new year and time for fresh starts, hurrah!

Well, actually it’s been more than two weeks, and now is pretty late to be making new year’s posts; so, not only will there be a late post to ring in the new year, there shall be excuses as well:
Namely, that 2011 has been dismal and 2012 promises more of the same; if a new year falls into our laps and no one around sees any hope of fresh beginnings or better things on the horizon, is it still a new year? Or does it simply count as another day ticked off the countdown clock; another ordinary step towards the still-distant finish?

If anything, what I’ve learnt about myself in 2011 is that I can be quite a lot more nasty, unpleasant, impatient, or easily angered than how I usually am, believe I project, or wish I was. NS has brought out the worst in me and as much as I don’t like the SAF and its management, I don’t like much of what I saw in myself in 2011, even as I indulged in smug superiority or impatient self-righteousness. I used to take some small pride in having no patience for fools; although I still believe I’ve met plenty of fools and endless incompetence, a retrospective look at my reactions to it leaves me ashamed of my judgmental-ness and condescending-ness. Impatience and frustration are bad enough habits which have resurfaced in 2011, of which I’m not proud, but even worse is to let that grow into personal hatred and letting it boil over for everyone to see.

Hmmm, this post wasn’t meant to be a retrospective on that, but I guess it’ll serve as a timely reminder, especially when I ORD and look back with, if not fond memories, then at least not complete bitterness. And of course, there will be memories of NSFs to treasure.

What I did mean to get on with, before a detour into bitterness and embarrassment, was how much I miss a lot of good things. Like reading  and writing, which took an extended hiatus on account of training requirements and university applications. Glad those applications are done, and now it’s in the hands of God. Speaking of which, God is something else I’ve taken something of a sabbatical from I’m afraid. Hence, the to-do list: turn around and stop fleeing from God; read; write; face the future, both immediate and long term, with equanimity and calm.

In parting, apologies (if they are in order) for not posting for two months and a day, apologies for the disjointedness of this post (mostly apologies to future me I suppose). Apologies for incompetence and inconvenience (if any); normal service will resume shortly.


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