Archive for May, 2009

Not so much a post as an excuse

May 26, 2009

You know what boggles the mind? The extent to which I’m able to distract myself from PW.

Of course, I wouldn’t have been able to do it without the continuing support of my ever-ready friends brimming with helpfulness. Thank you Yanwei for the most persuasive of distractions. After all, if I’m going to procrastinate might as well enjoy it to the fullest eh?

PWPWPWPWPWPWPWPW………… [incoherence]

Too tired to rant about it. Sleepy, because I’m staying up late to do PW. Silly, because I’m blogging instead of doing PW. Disenchanted, because PW is such a bore, such a chore. Glad, because I can stay up late, while everyone else has GP common test tomorrow, to do PW.  Distracted, because PW is so easy to be distracted from.

….Well then, so PW is ruining running my life now. What’s there to do but to take the last defiant stand of freedom, and to fall flat on the cold hard realisation that defiance now only means procrastination and more work later? When will I ever learn.

Of Mind-blowing German Writers

May 15, 2009

I really do ought to post more often; but it’s so easy to get distracted by the myriad entertainments so freely available.

… like I just did for the past two hours.

And, it’s equally easy to write mindless drivel and weakly try to pass it off as worth reading. Here’s to unwasted efforts and good writing then.

I’ve told myself that life has its ups and its downs, and I even believe it once in a while. When I’m not brooding and dealing with that blob of discontent and disappointment in some other equally self-destructive way, it evaporates clean out of existence. And I know, that no matter how surely it’ll certainly come back, it’ll as surely become less bitter over time; a missed opportunity that grows less significant, a denial that becomes less painful, a loss that seems smaller each time.

So, why wallow? Why is it no comfort for the here and now that I know it isn’t the end of the world? That it means so little, not just in the grand scheme of things but in the scheme of my life; yet, it still stings like the deepest of cuts you know will heal just fine. Am I afraid of missing out on that one good thing? Am I desperate, in my hunger for glory? Goes to show how little I live out a “faith that is sure of what it hopes for, certain of what it does not see”. Why else would a man live for glory now, but that he is uncertain of future glory.

And then Nietzsche and his Master-Slave-Morality pops up in the mind. In short, the world used to live by the rule of force. The strong were good, the weak were bad (but not evil). The weak, tired of oppression, changed the meanings. And so, to be good came to mean to be self-sacrificing, to protect the weak, to relinquish self. According to Nietzsche, “common good” is self-contradictory. The Jews were to first to lead the Slave revolt towards such contradiction, by sacrifice of Jesus they turned the world to His teachings of sacrifice and self-denial: the selfsame slave morality, in that the weak may be considered good.

The question then, is this: Do you subscribe to Nietzsche’s take on history and etymology? What do you a believe a Man would volunteer his life as sacrifice for; to turn the world to a slave morality which exalts weakness, or to absolve all men of guilt and bring them to security and cover their weakness? I’d say the second one seems to be far more worth it.

But above that, there is faith, a kind that I hope for. Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.  (Heb 11:1, NIV).  As for things that I do not get, chances I don’t get to take; whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. 36What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? (Mark 8:35,36, NIV). I want to seek to gain my life and my soul, to have the faith to see that the things to gain in this world don’t matter as much as I think they do.

Why the [expletive deleted] would WordPress even want to filter line breaks?

May 3, 2009

Title says it all. Limit creative content why?

Mood: Extreme frustration. And pissed off.
(30 minutes and half a poem wasted)

Edit: Wasted 30 minutes and an improving mood because line breaks disappear in a “view post” link but not on the blog itself. Still annoyed.

Intermission

May 3, 2009

Jazz concert was enjoyable. The performances were enjoyable.
Plus, an unfinished (and likely, never to be finished) poem

One man (shadow) play

Darker blacker-on-black shadowplay cast on charcoal coloured asphalt
For an audience of just one none.

Under the single streetlight’s solitary sodium glare;
Swiftly passing
( a day’s rotation in fifteen steps)
Giving way to the next one on this long road.

Shadowfeet, and arms, and head, follow in unison,
Unlike these steps that don’t echo
(how poetically scandalous)
.
Not-quite-soft footfalls
Don’t thud or click or beat the lonely rhythm
But still jars this one man’s night.

Which then is darker:
A moonless starless cloud-filled sky
Stretching horizons of night?
A man, all in black, making his solitary way to
Wherever-home-may-be?
Or the lightless depths of crevices dug deep (,now seen,)
In his thoughts?